So there once was a girl who lived a life far away… Away from where?… That is for me to know and you to decide. ;)  This girl had a roller-coaster ride of a life.  With wonders, and blunders, happy highs, and misery lows. 

She was living a dream. But her life was a real life thus the life lived was not always dreamy! She learned, as she lived her dream, that being grateful for one little thing makes the dream dreamer, the life brighter, the days livelier. 

This is a grateful jot.  On one particular day not to long ago.  Maybe yesterday.  This girl got to sing “If your happy and you know it”, play sumo fight (for real), implosion pound with some sweet peeps, and explore new places.  Life’s little joys… the flowers in my sill, the seeds yet planted, the heat that I TREASURE, the mountains with the smokey mist descending, the wind chimes chiming… these are the things that make the days dreamy. 

And so I dream on.

“More what? And this was it; I could tell how my whole being responded to that one word.  I longed for more life, for moreholy joy.”

-one thousand gifts (p.32)

2nd Corinthians 12:9-10
(10) Therefore I am well content with weakness, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties,   for Christ’s sake; for when i am weak , then i am strong.

Isaiah 40:29-31
    He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.  (30) Through youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly.  (31) Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.  

Isaiah 41:9-10
I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  ~ (Thanks Bets)

Psalm 51:17 
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.

Psalm 27:17 
Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes Wait for the LORD.

I haven’t said much about myself up to this point in my blogging.  I have made a lot of effort to be discreet and noncommittal to who I am.  But I am tire of that.   I am not going to give you many details about who I am and such but I will say that the most important thing that you should know about me is that Christ Jesus is the Lord of my life and I put my faith wholly, joylessly, and completely in Him. 

I thought I was waiting all my life for the right guy to come along and sweep me off my feet.  I was waiting for the wrong guy.  It’s been right there.  He’s been right there all a long.  I don’t really have to wait for some guy.  “Wait for the Lord… Take COURAGE”  Like Daniel, like Jeremiah, like Samuel, like Ruth, Ester, Abigail, Joseph,… Like Jesus.  

I want to live my life in righteousness.  His righteousness.  So these are my vows, my Prince.

To You whom my soul waits, to You my Prince,

You are my God; I shall pursue You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water. Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,

And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, For You have been my help,

And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You;

Your right hand upholds me.

Clear Blue 

Life Yielding Green

Fire engine Red

Seductive Scarlet

Wedding Ring Gold

Kitchen Cupboard White

My Halloween Cat Black

Golden Rod Yellow

My BeF’s Dazzling Evening Gown Violette

Cinerela’s Glass Slipper Pink

Words.  Associations.  Memories.  Stories.  This is my world in full COLOR.

Fight.

I think everyone must know this word.

On the other side of the world they do know it well.

I do.  I have. 

But. But I know now it is not enough. 

I can fight with sticks and stones.

I can fight with words.  

But. But I will not win this. 

This battle I will fight on my knees and face.

Realizing that no one could be watching. 

I am alone. 

That is enough.

This is enough.

I am enough …for You.

a bomb

a city destoyed

people… they… they insistently turned into a thing of nightmares

now

a building

a new city

a building that was not destroyed but skeletoned by a bomb

even a tree will cry out at the loss

a weeping willow

Im going to places I want to go. Im seeing things I want to see. But… am I losing the battle. I am with others and they are friends. we get along sometimes ,but its not all peaches and cream.

I got mad. I appoligized later. then I drank because I felt like it didnt matter… I didnt like doing that, it seemed like the thing to do. f./: that. dammmmm!!!!

this is hard… and I care.

I write as a prayer to Christ.  I can talk to you.  I can shoot quick prayers… but so what… that seems to be the answer in my head.  So what… Who am I any more… do i stand for what I believe in?.. do i give.

doshio… koumaru… 

i know to say no, but sometimes i do.  I know to not give, but sometimes I dont.  I know that this is where I would be… what do I do to win this fight?! I am weak, broken, and a lair.  I know I am worse then they… help me… give me a way.

I let go

they are kids, so what do they care if i look a little funny

the great thing is, they like me that way more

the great thing is… that’s more like me

so in class, I do… i let go and just do the star jumps

then we sing and sway…

the days not so great, then…

I listen to them singing “We wish you a merry Christmas”

…then I realized I’m happy.  Then..

the days not so bad. :)